I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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