thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
