This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We need to get me chipped asap
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
