You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
