I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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