No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
so much tequila, so little girl.
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I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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