bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
