i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
