fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
