Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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