New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
