He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
