just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Too much gin, very little bucket
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
