Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
