I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize