He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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