I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
