just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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