There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
