just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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