Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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