Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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