After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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