oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
