Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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