We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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