So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
