Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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