I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
