Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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