I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
