bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
