If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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