I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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