Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
