Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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