I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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