I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
