there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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