then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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