Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
