if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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