He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
