just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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