Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
