Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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