I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im part way to drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
