Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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