dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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