He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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