I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
