beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
