What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
