first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
