She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
