i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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