I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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