Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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