Umm I'm too high to move.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
