4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
