I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
