if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
