Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please come you make the beer taste better
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
