I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
