Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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