Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
