So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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