We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
