WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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