this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
