Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
