Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
