Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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