420 ftw
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
